At 4:40 p.m. CST, February 3, 2006, my brother, Benjamin Lee Pittman, died here at home, with me holding his hand as he drew his last, struggling breath, surrounded by our closest family members.

For me, today totally sucks. It is hitting me hard, deep inside, and the pain is just as fresh four years later as the moment he died.

Only someone who has had a loss such as this in their life will truly understand. Others say, let it go, move on, get over it, as if a lost loved one is a disease you need to recover from. It may not be meant that way, but it is precisely the way it hits someone who is still dealing with grief over losing someone they love to death.

So this is from me to anyone else here who is also dealing with a major loss of the death of a loved one. Never forget them. Always honor them. Allow yourself any time you need to grieve. And just take one step, then another, then another.

There will be good days, even great days, just as there will be sad ones. Just roll with it, be yourself, and don't let anyone force their demand on you to conform to how they think you should act. Live, love, and above all, just breathe.

Love and hugs to everyone here, I'll be better tomorrow. Today belongs to my brother, to remembering and loving him, to missing him, and to just breathing through the heartache.

I miss you, Benny. Dear God, how I miss you!

Hello: Its never easy to let a Love one go, but,noing that they are just a breath away still doesn't mean you will fill better. I lost my mom 22 years ago an there's not a day goes by that i don't talk to her or think about her. They say Time heals all losses ,Time just makes it not hurt as bad. God Be with you....roland8ball

thanks, it is appreciated, and may God be with you, as well.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

I also lost my little brother on Jan. 16, 1997. He was 8 and died of Cystic Fibrosis. I too was rubbing his back and holding his hand has he took his last breath. I honestly, don't remember much of that following year, it's all kind of a blur. After 13 years, it still hurts, especially on anniversaries or birthdays. Sometimes I see a kid that will look like him and it will put me right back into that "place" i was in the day he passed.
It's true not a lot of people will understand this fully unless they have been through it. I can tell you that it does get better. Each year I see this situation with a little more understanding and a lot less anger. I don't think the hurt ever goes away though, but it gets easier to handle.
Something I was always so grateful for was that my whole family got to be there with him. We all got to say our goodbyes and he didn't die alone. We knew exactly what happened to him and we knew (as much as we could) how he was feeling. Sounds like you had a similar experience with your brother.
Take care hun, I'm sure your brother is around you everyday
xoxoxo

Hugs to you! and thanks for sharing, as I know how hard it is to bring up the deep loss we share. I wanted to open a dialogue in a way for anyone else who may have also had such a loss, because sometimes when you have that grief inside of you, it makes you feel like an outsider to see others laughing and having fun when you are hurting so much inside.

It is good, I think, for people to know that it is okay to grieve, it is okay to hurt, and we are not alone in that grief, for others know that pain, too. Sharing does seem to help. And if anyone else reads this who is dealing with grief, I hope reading our words will help them in some way.

Our experience seems almost identical, doesn't it? And I take comfort, just as you do, in knowing that he didn't die alone. He was a truck driver for twenty two years and he had told me it was his biggest fear, to die alone. I had promised him that if it was in my power, if that day ever came, I would do everything I could to make sure he wasn't alone. It was a gift in a way that we were all able to make that promise come true.

I'm okay now, and it does get a bit easier with time. The loss is always there, and seeing a semi go by for a company he used to drive for sometimes hits me with it, or seeing a tall thin guy with dark hair, jeans, and a cowboy hat will momentarily make me do a double take! The anniversary of his death, and his birthday, are the two hardest for me, just as I am sure those dates are for you.

Hugs agaiin, and thank you so much for sharing. It is always a huge comfort to know others understand.